Long time no post

I have written in awhile because I feel that I have nothing new to write about. It seemed that after awhile my posts got a bit redundant, but then I realized it is because that is what has been occupying my mind so much! Last night I went out and had a blast. To sum it up, it was fucking crazy. That is the experiences I want to have every night, I want it to be just wild and extremely fun. How does one go about having a great time like this? Well, I mean we could be logical (I find it funny using the word logical whenever I talk about this stuff) it would entail being extremely social, in the moment, and worry-free.

However, I think that trying to quantify and break it down destroys its very essence and makes one's experience less fun. It is like in Quantum Mechanics, once you observe/study/measure something, you forever destroy its information. What am I trying to say? Just go with the flow baby! The point is to have this stuff be second nature. Everyone enjoys eating, yet do you breakdown its steps? Not anymore I'd hope. Once you've reached a point where you believe you have a 'logical' understanding, just let go!

There isn't much substance, or MPUA++ 4000 type of tactical/strategical information (I still laugh to think that this new guy I went out with asked me where the best place was to sit in a bar for sets, hahaha). Anyways, I guess what it comes down to are the three points Tyler mentioned in his blog over here. Sometimes I reflect on how serious I have taken myself, and it makes me laugh out loud, literally. I doubt the Romans thought about their body language
during the Lupercalia festival, so neither should you!

Exit strategy

I was thinking about our current situation and all the proposed exit strategies there are for it, and I started thinking. When will I say enough is enough with all of this PU business? I mean, I got into this with the eventual goal that getting women involved in my life, and to a greater extent to become 'charming' and good socially, would become a natural part of who I am.

Therefore, as I progress through this PU business, I ask myself "when will I stop reading, stop watching, and stop discussing all of this?". I think at a certain point one needs to have faith that he has done enough "studying" and discussing about this, and trust the fact that this is an ongoing process and you are at the point where you socialize for fun and you will naturally become better at it.

When I first started thinking about this, I asked myself if I should put a definitive date on when I would stop all of this. Then, I considered just letting it happen naturally, and now I am just not sure. I think more or less after this Christmas the process will happen naturally as I will have to start working until law school (the current plan is to work overseas). To sum it up, I am not sure when this will happen, but I know it is inevitable. Why is it inevitable? For the reasons stated above. I want this, and know it will, to be a natural thing that is removed from my conscious into my unconscious. Even the greatest of orators and politicians who studied their craft moved on from merely discussing it to living it.

WTF

I am going to confess something here, I haven't done a true cold approach in over a month. For the past month I've been coming into one of my wing's sets, or I have been opening sets that are basically begging to be opened (they run into me or whatever), and even then I rarely do it. I am so crippled by AA, although I'm not sure it's anxiety exactly. When I think about approaching I do not get an intense feeling, or voices in my head really. Instead, it's like there is this 1000 pound weight on me and I just can't move.

What the fuck is this?! I am so frustrated. At least two years ago when I was going out and drinking I was having a good time. Now when I go out I rarely enjoy myself, I envy all those drunk people having the time of their lives. Yes, I understand what I am doing has a great payoff, but I am so fucking frustrated that I can not approach.

Why this change? Well, to begin with I was never an approach machine, to be honest. Last semester I did approach, not often but I would approach a few sets a nite. Now, I can't seem to approach anymore. I feel like I have built this false identity of who I am, not an identity of a PUA but of someone who is to cool to be blown out. Where I got this I have no fucking clue.

My one wing called me and my other wing out, who coincidentally is having the same problem. He was frustrated with us, basically saying "WTF, why aren't you guys approaching anymore?". In fact, he ended up leaving early. I have lots of respect for that guy, regardless of the fact he banters too much, he is an APPROACH MACHINE. The guy has opening down, it's no big deal to this guy.

I finally understand the quote in Fight Club where Tyler Durden says "Self-improvement is masturbation, what we're after is self-destruction." That sums up exactly what I must do, I must self-destruct my identity. Fine, I might go up to girls and mess up all nite long and others will look down upon me perhaps, SO WHAT. If I do that I will be getting better and I am the only one I care about. Jesus I am so frustrated. I am seriously consider looking into doing Demonic Confidence, even though I always said I didn't need to do something that drastic. Perhaps it is time for something like that...

Opinions: who the fuck cares

Why do other people's opinions matter so much? Why is it that many people base most of their reality on the uncontrollable, unpredictable whims of others? Objectively looking at this phenomenon, it makes no sense. For one, you can't control other peoples views, and on top of that they don't lead your life. Secondly, it is a great way to be manipulated, because other people can change the standards by which they judge you at any time to bend you to their will.

Is the solution to have complete disregard for others? I say no, for if one were to do this they would live a rather unfulfilling life. If one were to do this he would have very little loved ones around him, and needless to say his love life would be non-existent. What is the perfect balance? Well, that is not a question I can answer, since it is relative to everyone. The best way to know if you have struck this balance is if you are truly happy and do not feel like you are not being true to yourself.

Some people may not like what I have wrote since it is not concrete, but rather esoteric and almost spiritual. I do not intend to be a new-age freak that preaches harmony, but I do preach harmony with yourself. One lesson I have learned, albeit a bit slowly, is to care and take care of my needs above all others. Sure, if you would've asked me prior to PU if I was doing this I would've blindly said yes. I would've been lying though. A friend of mine, and you know who you are, taught me this valuable lesson when one day I came back complaining that I had stood by while someone imposed their will on me, and I had smiled taking it like a bitch. This friend of mine cleverly picked up on the fact that I was caring too much of what others thought of me, and I was letting my internal reality be decided by these external factors.

Since then I have been making sure I am being true to myself. I ask myself, is this really what I want to do? Why do I care about what he/she thinks? I don't care what you think, so kindly fuck off :) (of course unless you are giving me constructive feedback :P)!