Necessary Cuts

For the past week now I have been in what I've termed a "post Italy hangover". Getting back into the groove of things has been a bit harder than I previously had thought. However, I do not think it is due fully to missing Italy; before leaving for Italy I was already in this "funk". I was having trouble approaching, one of my wings was getting on me (note: community guys suck to go out with once you've popped your approaching cherry, they're just nerds), and going out was such a chore.

As I've written before, in Italy I rekindled that fun for going out, and I intend to keep it that way. Having said that, I want to jump start other parts of my life as well. Starting tomorrow I will be making changes in my life and scenery. This was inspired mainly by conversations I had with two friends, who suggested that one of the best ways to change behavior is to change one's surrounding environment. With that being the case, I will change the following things:

1) Leisure computer time will be cut in half
2) Make more activities outside of the apartment (e.g. read books on the quad).
3) Re-arrange my room, get some posters and other decorations

That is all I have on the list for now, as I think of more stuff I will add to it.

Randomness

I don't have a specific topic in mind for this post, but rather random thoughts that have been on my mind that I'd like to write about. Firstly I'd like to say that I recently read a friend's post on Purpose and found it to be absolutely brilliant. This guy is very insightful and has definitely helped me along my way to changing my life. Also, it made me start thinking about how one is successful in pursuing his goal or purpose. For me, a someone who is successful at this is someone who, has described in the Purpose post, has a strong and resolute purpose to guide him along. Moreover, they must have the foresight to see what it will take to get to that goal, and at the same time be intensely focused on the present moment so that they may execute and react to the present situation. Having a strong sense of the present is a quality I find invaluable, since it allows you to focus 100% of your resources on the task at hand while not worrying about past failures or future obstacles.

Another quality that many, including myself, want is charisma. The funny thing is, I think when I was in Italy was when I was the most charismatic. Allow me to explain. I was in a group of 15 students that went to Italy and study in this program over there. We all lived in the same apartment buildings, each having one roommate. There, we met these two Italian guys that hang out with the Americans that come every year(my school does this program every year, and every year the students stay at the same place). These guys were a fucking blast, they were loud, outgoing, partied all the time, and generally didn't seem to have a care in the world. We became fast friends. This was exactly the way I was in Italy, too. A conversation I had with a good friend (the same guy that wrote the post I mentioned above) before leaving this program loosened me up, and when I got there I was a completely carefree individual. I was loud, outspoken, was not afraid to use my Italian, and generally did what I wanted. Everyone on the trip loved me! Strangely enough, this was one time where I genuinely didn't care about what others think, unlike when I use to go out and sarge, and at the end of the program people were telling me how they had a blast with me (I got some of the girls attracted to me during this program, but they were not hot and eventually they ended up not 'liking' me since I didn't escalate).

What is my point in all of this? I'm not sure. But I was thinking about it today and figured you'd be able to extract something from this. Maybe if I can think of how to organize this better I will later on, or perhaps I will wait for comments to decide on what to write about next.

They're all a bunch of nerds

I had a great time in Italy! For one month I traveled all of Italy, hung out with a cool group of guys, made some new great friends, and went out and had a blast almost every night. On top of that, I didn't think about approaching, seduction, M3, opening, or whatever. Having been in this thing for a considerable amount of time I believe people boil down more or less into two groups into these things. Nerds and soon to be social butterflies.

Nerds are the people who carried their dorkiness into this. They'll talk you ear off about the intricacies of one type of game versus another, or why one guru is better than the other, however, they will rarely talk about how last nite out in a bar or club went for them. The reason for this is because they rarely if ever go out! If they do, they don't socialize, they're way too into their heads analyzing mundane bullshit (this was me for like 4 months, though I did open). I just want to grab these guys and shake them up and yell "it doesn't fucking matter! be fucking normal, have fun and make women part of this experience!".

Then there are the soon to be social butterflies, most of the people with whom I socialize that are in this "community" are a part of. These guys have lives, or at least are building really great lives, and are just taking this stuff and using it to add-on and/or enhance their lives. Sure, they sit down and think over what happened, but they won't sit down and talk about intricacies of game. These are the guys I want to be friends with, not the nerds. They make women a part of an already fun life, which is why they'll probably get women in the first place.


In short, I am not even sure if I want to hang around all this PUA stuff anymore. I have been improving, and it is not due to posting on forums about the finer points of direct game, but rather continually and shamelessly socializing while having fun and not taking stuff personally. It's all a game anyways, and the more you play the better you get.

Approach Anxiety is the Boogeyman

How is it that no one questions the idea of Approach Anxiety? As my title says, I think the Approach Anxiety is like the boogeyman. It doesn't exist, but we hype it up so much that it might as well exist since we fear it so much (and thus, in my opinion, cause it to manifest). It doesn't help when you have such respected gurus like Mystery who not only accept the notion, but even tries to justify it scientifically. Listen, I think Mystery is great, the man is an absolute genius and any day of the week I'd take lessons from him, that does not mean he is an evolutionary biologist nor a psychiatrist.

Let me present a hypothetical situation. Let's say we took a some children, and raised them in such a manner so that they had no fear of approaching people (this could be done by isolating them and structuring their interactions in such a manner so as to foster an openness), and then at the age of 18 we integrated them into society. They would not have a problem approaching! If you don't believe me that is possible, how is it that some people can be 'taught' to virtually feel no pain, yet we can't teach some kids to not feel anxiety?

I won't delve into the whys and why nots of how Approach Anxiety comes about, however, what I am saying is that don't assume it has to be a part of your life. If you have anxiety, follow that anxiety and see to where it leads. There will be an underlying reason as to why you have it. Further, if you believe you do not have to have it, eventually you will internalize that belief, and I believe it can be removed from your life. I am currently doing this, and I have had less anxiety. I am not at the point where it is completely gone, yet the way stuff is advancing now it is a strong possibility I will not have anxiety.

What this really comes down to is not taking what you hear for granted. Just because some guy went out for so many nights a week and now teaches bootcamps doesn't mean you have to take everything he says as the word of God. These gurus have loads of information to share, but don't let them transfer beliefs unto you that will hinder you.

Passion

I was recently watching AC Milan play against Manchester United to see who would go to the Champion's League final, and I recalled my times seeing games in Europe. The passion the fans have is amazing, they sing all game long, follow their team from country to country, and even get into fights in the stadiums over their team. Granted, fighting is a bit extreme, but I think this shows just how passionate they can be, especially Italians. As soon as I saw my first game live, I was hooked. The next game I saw, which was AC Milan versus Inter Milan (one of the biggest derbies, as they call it, in the world), I sang the whole game, and danced with the people next to me.

When I look here at American sports, this passion is often lacking. This lack of passion isn't just in sports, it's in all aspects of Americans' life. It is true that perhaps Italians aren't organized like the rest of the industrialized world, and that they often aren't as dedicated to work as they usually are celebrating some vague holiday, or spending their money on clothes and going out. I do not advocate this extreme, yet I think we can definitely learn how to copy some of this passion to our own lives. Ever since spending more time in Italy, I have started to become more passionate about my life, and have since taken a greater interest in having more fun in life (this indirectly led me to this community).

What I ask to you, if anyone reads this :P, is are you passionate about something? Whatever you choose to do, are you really getting into it? A typical Italian lives at home with his mom until his 30s (like some of my cousins), doesn't have much money since he spends it all on clothes and money, yet he gets laid like none other. This isn't an anomaly, it is often the intangible things that women take interest in. Even outside of women, the ability to be passionate about what you do will make every endeavor you undertake that much more meaningful, and fun.



P.S. If you wanna know what they say let me know :)

WTF

I am going to confess something here, I haven't done a true cold approach in over a month. For the past month I've been coming into one of my wing's sets, or I have been opening sets that are basically begging to be opened (they run into me or whatever), and even then I rarely do it. I am so crippled by AA, although I'm not sure it's anxiety exactly. When I think about approaching I do not get an intense feeling, or voices in my head really. Instead, it's like there is this 1000 pound weight on me and I just can't move.

What the fuck is this?! I am so frustrated. At least two years ago when I was going out and drinking I was having a good time. Now when I go out I rarely enjoy myself, I envy all those drunk people having the time of their lives. Yes, I understand what I am doing has a great payoff, but I am so fucking frustrated that I can not approach.

Why this change? Well, to begin with I was never an approach machine, to be honest. Last semester I did approach, not often but I would approach a few sets a nite. Now, I can't seem to approach anymore. I feel like I have built this false identity of who I am, not an identity of a PUA but of someone who is to cool to be blown out. Where I got this I have no fucking clue.

My one wing called me and my other wing out, who coincidentally is having the same problem. He was frustrated with us, basically saying "WTF, why aren't you guys approaching anymore?". In fact, he ended up leaving early. I have lots of respect for that guy, regardless of the fact he banters too much, he is an APPROACH MACHINE. The guy has opening down, it's no big deal to this guy.

I finally understand the quote in Fight Club where Tyler Durden says "Self-improvement is masturbation, what we're after is self-destruction." That sums up exactly what I must do, I must self-destruct my identity. Fine, I might go up to girls and mess up all nite long and others will look down upon me perhaps, SO WHAT. If I do that I will be getting better and I am the only one I care about. Jesus I am so frustrated. I am seriously consider looking into doing Demonic Confidence, even though I always said I didn't need to do something that drastic. Perhaps it is time for something like that...

Bringing about change

I remember earlier in my life I complained to my mother about some aspect of my life not being in accord with what I wanted. I told her I wanted to change this, but everyone says you can't. She paused for a moment, and then said "People say that because they are too lazy to bring about change. You can do whatever you want". Wise words from a wise woman.

When I first came to this whole PU business I was starting to make positive changes in my life. I had been working out regularly, and had lost some weight. I started studying more, and took better care of my academics overall. So when it came to getting better with women I applied the simple formula I had used to obtain those things. Work at the goal everyday, and if I became disheartened I concentrated on the positives to re-motivate me. In essence though, I rarely thought of the outcome just the joy of completing the task at hand.

Well, for whatever reason, be it social anxiety or laziness, I had a hard time applying this model to my PU life. I did it in the beginning, forcing approaches and it was going well. As time went on, however, I found myself hesitating to do this, and as I hesitated excuses started to creep in my head. "You need to bring about deeper change first", "You need to be more alpha in other aspects before you can tackle this". While these statements are somewhat true, especially the second, they are not excuses for not continuing. I actually just had an epiphany writing this paragraph.

There is no reason why I can not work on both becoming more assertive and dominant in my life, and being good with women. In fact, they compliment each other, so that basically nullified those excuses. Anyways, as I was saying I thought I needed a different system for undertaking this part of my life, PU. I started looking at NLP and hypnosis more closely, and I am glad I did I learned insightful things. However, I could have picked up on these things as I went along.

I realized that my old method was just perfect. And to prove it to myself I went out Thursday, Friday, Saturday (Thursday wasn't for sarging, but it is still always present in my life) and socialized again. I am most proud of myself last nite, I did not feel like going out, yet I told myself it couldn't be worse than staying at home. So, I went out, even though I made up tons of excuses why I shouldn't, like how it was cold, etc. In short, it's back to my old method :)