I am going to confess something here, I haven't done a true cold approach in over a month. For the past month I've been coming into one of my wing's sets, or I have been opening sets that are basically begging to be opened (they run into me or whatever), and even then I rarely do it. I am so crippled by AA, although I'm not sure it's anxiety exactly. When I think about approaching I do not get an intense feeling, or voices in my head really. Instead, it's like there is this 1000 pound weight on me and I just can't move.
What the fuck is this?! I am so frustrated. At least two years ago when I was going out and drinking I was having a good time. Now when I go out I rarely enjoy myself, I envy all those drunk people having the time of their lives. Yes, I understand what I am doing has a great payoff, but I am so fucking frustrated that I can not approach.
Why this change? Well, to begin with I was never an approach machine, to be honest. Last semester I did approach, not often but I would approach a few sets a nite. Now, I can't seem to approach anymore. I feel like I have built this false identity of who I am, not an identity of a PUA but of someone who is to cool to be blown out. Where I got this I have no fucking clue.
My one wing called me and my other wing out, who coincidentally is having the same problem. He was frustrated with us, basically saying "WTF, why aren't you guys approaching anymore?". In fact, he ended up leaving early. I have lots of respect for that guy, regardless of the fact he banters too much, he is an APPROACH MACHINE. The guy has opening down, it's no big deal to this guy.
I finally understand the quote in Fight Club where Tyler Durden says "Self-improvement is masturbation, what we're after is self-destruction." That sums up exactly what I must do, I must self-destruct my identity. Fine, I might go up to girls and mess up all nite long and others will look down upon me perhaps, SO WHAT. If I do that I will be getting better and I am the only one I care about. Jesus I am so frustrated. I am seriously consider looking into doing Demonic Confidence, even though I always said I didn't need to do something that drastic. Perhaps it is time for something like that...
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Bringing about change
I remember earlier in my life I complained to my mother about some aspect of my life not being in accord with what I wanted. I told her I wanted to change this, but everyone says you can't. She paused for a moment, and then said "People say that because they are too lazy to bring about change. You can do whatever you want". Wise words from a wise woman.
When I first came to this whole PU business I was starting to make positive changes in my life. I had been working out regularly, and had lost some weight. I started studying more, and took better care of my academics overall. So when it came to getting better with women I applied the simple formula I had used to obtain those things. Work at the goal everyday, and if I became disheartened I concentrated on the positives to re-motivate me. In essence though, I rarely thought of the outcome just the joy of completing the task at hand.
Well, for whatever reason, be it social anxiety or laziness, I had a hard time applying this model to my PU life. I did it in the beginning, forcing approaches and it was going well. As time went on, however, I found myself hesitating to do this, and as I hesitated excuses started to creep in my head. "You need to bring about deeper change first", "You need to be more alpha in other aspects before you can tackle this". While these statements are somewhat true, especially the second, they are not excuses for not continuing. I actually just had an epiphany writing this paragraph.
There is no reason why I can not work on both becoming more assertive and dominant in my life, and being good with women. In fact, they compliment each other, so that basically nullified those excuses. Anyways, as I was saying I thought I needed a different system for undertaking this part of my life, PU. I started looking at NLP and hypnosis more closely, and I am glad I did I learned insightful things. However, I could have picked up on these things as I went along.
I realized that my old method was just perfect. And to prove it to myself I went out Thursday, Friday, Saturday (Thursday wasn't for sarging, but it is still always present in my life) and socialized again. I am most proud of myself last nite, I did not feel like going out, yet I told myself it couldn't be worse than staying at home. So, I went out, even though I made up tons of excuses why I shouldn't, like how it was cold, etc. In short, it's back to my old method :)
When I first came to this whole PU business I was starting to make positive changes in my life. I had been working out regularly, and had lost some weight. I started studying more, and took better care of my academics overall. So when it came to getting better with women I applied the simple formula I had used to obtain those things. Work at the goal everyday, and if I became disheartened I concentrated on the positives to re-motivate me. In essence though, I rarely thought of the outcome just the joy of completing the task at hand.
Well, for whatever reason, be it social anxiety or laziness, I had a hard time applying this model to my PU life. I did it in the beginning, forcing approaches and it was going well. As time went on, however, I found myself hesitating to do this, and as I hesitated excuses started to creep in my head. "You need to bring about deeper change first", "You need to be more alpha in other aspects before you can tackle this". While these statements are somewhat true, especially the second, they are not excuses for not continuing. I actually just had an epiphany writing this paragraph.
There is no reason why I can not work on both becoming more assertive and dominant in my life, and being good with women. In fact, they compliment each other, so that basically nullified those excuses. Anyways, as I was saying I thought I needed a different system for undertaking this part of my life, PU. I started looking at NLP and hypnosis more closely, and I am glad I did I learned insightful things. However, I could have picked up on these things as I went along.
I realized that my old method was just perfect. And to prove it to myself I went out Thursday, Friday, Saturday (Thursday wasn't for sarging, but it is still always present in my life) and socialized again. I am most proud of myself last nite, I did not feel like going out, yet I told myself it couldn't be worse than staying at home. So, I went out, even though I made up tons of excuses why I shouldn't, like how it was cold, etc. In short, it's back to my old method :)
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Opinions: who the fuck cares
Why do other people's opinions matter so much? Why is it that many people base most of their reality on the uncontrollable, unpredictable whims of others? Objectively looking at this phenomenon, it makes no sense. For one, you can't control other peoples views, and on top of that they don't lead your life. Secondly, it is a great way to be manipulated, because other people can change the standards by which they judge you at any time to bend you to their will.
Is the solution to have complete disregard for others? I say no, for if one were to do this they would live a rather unfulfilling life. If one were to do this he would have very little loved ones around him, and needless to say his love life would be non-existent. What is the perfect balance? Well, that is not a question I can answer, since it is relative to everyone. The best way to know if you have struck this balance is if you are truly happy and do not feel like you are not being true to yourself.
Some people may not like what I have wrote since it is not concrete, but rather esoteric and almost spiritual. I do not intend to be a new-age freak that preaches harmony, but I do preach harmony with yourself. One lesson I have learned, albeit a bit slowly, is to care and take care of my needs above all others. Sure, if you would've asked me prior to PU if I was doing this I would've blindly said yes. I would've been lying though. A friend of mine, and you know who you are, taught me this valuable lesson when one day I came back complaining that I had stood by while someone imposed their will on me, and I had smiled taking it like a bitch. This friend of mine cleverly picked up on the fact that I was caring too much of what others thought of me, and I was letting my internal reality be decided by these external factors.
Since then I have been making sure I am being true to myself. I ask myself, is this really what I want to do? Why do I care about what he/she thinks? I don't care what you think, so kindly fuck off :) (of course unless you are giving me constructive feedback :P)!
Is the solution to have complete disregard for others? I say no, for if one were to do this they would live a rather unfulfilling life. If one were to do this he would have very little loved ones around him, and needless to say his love life would be non-existent. What is the perfect balance? Well, that is not a question I can answer, since it is relative to everyone. The best way to know if you have struck this balance is if you are truly happy and do not feel like you are not being true to yourself.
Some people may not like what I have wrote since it is not concrete, but rather esoteric and almost spiritual. I do not intend to be a new-age freak that preaches harmony, but I do preach harmony with yourself. One lesson I have learned, albeit a bit slowly, is to care and take care of my needs above all others. Sure, if you would've asked me prior to PU if I was doing this I would've blindly said yes. I would've been lying though. A friend of mine, and you know who you are, taught me this valuable lesson when one day I came back complaining that I had stood by while someone imposed their will on me, and I had smiled taking it like a bitch. This friend of mine cleverly picked up on the fact that I was caring too much of what others thought of me, and I was letting my internal reality be decided by these external factors.
Since then I have been making sure I am being true to myself. I ask myself, is this really what I want to do? Why do I care about what he/she thinks? I don't care what you think, so kindly fuck off :) (of course unless you are giving me constructive feedback :P)!
Monday, April 9, 2007
First post
Well this is my first official post in my blog. I never thought I would ever have one of these, as I viewed them as being for mainly 14 year old girls. However, after being convinced by a friend I decided it would be useful in having a place to gather my thoughts, track my progress, and receive useful, constructive comments on my journey.
So, what is the state of my life and at what point am I on this journey? I'm not entirely sure :). For starters, I will briefly lay out what I have accomplished, and what areas I believe I need work on. Since I have started with this whole PU business, I have brought an area of my life that I felt had been sub par into my consciousness thus allowing me to actively work on it. Since then I have become more social and confident in socializing in general, and specifically with women.
Oddly enough, since I've committed myself to improving this area of my life I found more "problem" areas than I previously thought I had. Some might argue that this is due to the fact I am scrutinizing too much, but I believe it is because this aspect of my life, becoming more social especially with women, is intimately attached and woven into many areas. For example, how you comport yourself in the presence of other men, how you assert your wants and needs in a given situation, how grounded you are in your reality and not worry about what others think, and the list goes on.
So what do I feel I need to work on specifically at the moment? Well, for starters, my assertiveness. I do not assert my will and wants as much as I want (namely all the time!). I bend too easily to the whims of others, and can find myself in my head trying to make sure I don't attract too much attention. It is obvious that this is not a favorable trait to have in dealing with women, nor is it a trait that helps one lead a fulfilling life. I am actively working on this by focusing in on the moment, and plainly stating what I want and paying attention to my desires.
Finally, I am working towards being consistent. I deeply respect Tyler's point of view on this, in saying that it is a lost art. I also believe this is tied in with living in the 'Now', because if you focus on the future and the length of the journey, you will never undertake it. This is foolish since every goal requires a journey, and it is often the journey that is the most fun!
I can't wait to hear some comments. Next I'll write about one of my new passions, becoming a bad ass mother fucker (i.e. learning martial arts and working out)!.
So, what is the state of my life and at what point am I on this journey? I'm not entirely sure :). For starters, I will briefly lay out what I have accomplished, and what areas I believe I need work on. Since I have started with this whole PU business, I have brought an area of my life that I felt had been sub par into my consciousness thus allowing me to actively work on it. Since then I have become more social and confident in socializing in general, and specifically with women.
Oddly enough, since I've committed myself to improving this area of my life I found more "problem" areas than I previously thought I had. Some might argue that this is due to the fact I am scrutinizing too much, but I believe it is because this aspect of my life, becoming more social especially with women, is intimately attached and woven into many areas. For example, how you comport yourself in the presence of other men, how you assert your wants and needs in a given situation, how grounded you are in your reality and not worry about what others think, and the list goes on.
So what do I feel I need to work on specifically at the moment? Well, for starters, my assertiveness. I do not assert my will and wants as much as I want (namely all the time!). I bend too easily to the whims of others, and can find myself in my head trying to make sure I don't attract too much attention. It is obvious that this is not a favorable trait to have in dealing with women, nor is it a trait that helps one lead a fulfilling life. I am actively working on this by focusing in on the moment, and plainly stating what I want and paying attention to my desires.
Finally, I am working towards being consistent. I deeply respect Tyler's point of view on this, in saying that it is a lost art. I also believe this is tied in with living in the 'Now', because if you focus on the future and the length of the journey, you will never undertake it. This is foolish since every goal requires a journey, and it is often the journey that is the most fun!
I can't wait to hear some comments. Next I'll write about one of my new passions, becoming a bad ass mother fucker (i.e. learning martial arts and working out)!.
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