No posts

That's it, no new posts for at least one month. I am also cutting my computer time by not going on irc for a month as well. Why? Because I want to, that's it. I won't forget my friends, obviously, as I have given them ample ways to contact me, and have every intention and wish to stay in touch. Like I said it's only one month, maybe more but I'll be back. After that time I'll post about my thoughts, changes, and anything else on my mind..

-Peace

Women: The biggest conspiracy theory?

Don't pay too much attention to the title, you won't find Kennedy assassination plots in here. I just like dramatic titles :) . I was talking to a good friend earlier about how women perceive themselves. The subject arose when I showed him a picture of two girls I know that think they are hot, yet in reality aren't (lord, forgive me!).

My friend said that all women think they are hot, even when they are not. I believe he is close to the truth. Let me explain how I my view was formed before I delve into this subject. On this matter I was probably heavily influenced by two factors: 1) Observing my sisters through their 20s (zomfgbbq i wont give u pix!) and 2) My dad, namely working at his law office ( he did divorces in Las Vegas) and seeing him go up against moms that were strippers, casino whores, and "angels".

I remember my dad one time telling me this when I asked him about one case "Women in a relationship have one thing to sell, sex. They have a limited time to sell it before it expires. So find someone truly worth it like your mom".

A hot woman derives her confidence, especially inside a club or bar, from the fact that people perceive her as such. She is used to guys saying she is hot, or acting timid around her (which is the same as saying she is hot). This is why negs work or acting "confident". By negging you are essentially saying "You aren't hot, I don't buy into that perception of you". Once you have set that tone, she essentially loses all her power. What else is supposed to hold your interest if you don't find her hot? You essentially gutted her of her self-esteem.

So, in essence, we guys give women their power! By acting timid, and unnecessarily complimenting them, we are in effect feeding this perception. Now why is it that all women act hot? Well, much like products we see on TV, most men aren't interested in "substance" (i.e. what she truly is like, at least initially) and more so in the "hype" (i.e. looks). So what is a sub-par looking female to do? Act hot of course! If she acts hot, she is giving off that aura that she too, like the real hot women, has guys act timid over her and compliment her. This is why you see fat bitches making those kissy faces (see my picture I posted here) or dancing with their friends sexily. If I were to see this broad during the day I wouldn't look at her twice, yet at night she gets a second stare just because she acts hot!

This is why I think a truly confident guy is really insuperable. If you draw your source of confidence from something internal and not external nothing can fray you. For example, do not draw your confidence from the fact you are the "best" at something (PU or whatever) but rather something internal (you follow your passion relentlessly, such as traveling). Once you achieve that no woman can fray you. That is why I think a confident guy is has a stronger reality than a hot woman. The day the hot woman, who is use to getting all the attention and skipping lines, shows signs of aging and all of a sudden isn't getting the attentions he once was and people aren't falling head over heels to let her skip lines, her reality and therefore "confidence" comes tumbling down.

So in short, see past the hype and don't concentrate on how "hot" she is. Instead, truly be relaxed, derive your confidence internally, and treat these girls like the little girls they really are! :)

The confidence flows

This post is not about PU or its dynamics, but rather a personal development in my quotidian life. These have not been earth-shattering, large-scale changes, they are the beginning. Little by little I feel things inside me change, and these small changes are manifesting themselves more each day. I read once that to divert a stream you must do it a little at a time, at first you get splashed, but slowly you getting more and more to trickle to where you want.

I would like to post some examples here, but it is too difficult to put into words such serene subtlety. How can I explain months of conscious/unconscious shifting of my mindset and my perception of the world, which are not starting to show up in my daily life. To do so properly, I'd have to practically give you my biography of the past year!

What I can convey unto you is this: it's possible, and down-right certain if you believe it. It's almost zen-like in a way, you simultaneously push for it, and also sit back and let it come. I remember when I was younger everyone telling me no one can change. I remember asking my mom why people said that, and she replied "Because they don't want it". At the time I didn't understand, yet now I understand how truly insightful and wise that comment was.

What am I saying with all of this? If you're truly open to change, and are ready to pursue it it'll come. When and how? I don't know. To draw an analogy, one can drive from New York to Las Vegas with his headlights on (assuming it was always dark) and only seeing 200 ft ahead of him. Just because he can't see the destination doesn't mean he isn't getting there.

My Future Self

Note: I know there are a few people who read this blog, but those who casually read this I'd appreciate comments on how you go about accomplishing goals and such

I was reading an interesting post written by Sinn that my friend pointed out in his blog. This post speaks volumes to the struggles of many not only in PU, but more generally as human beings we experience everyday.

One of the biggest puzzles we face as humans, in my estimation, is our constant want for better things, for positive change, yet we are indecisive, slow, and hesitant when it comes to implementing such changes. Sure, in part it is due to a lack of a concrete goal, or steps that it takes to achieve said goal, however, I believe the main problem is our expectancy of "instant gratification" and our overall resistance to change.


Funny thing is today I read a post that says you shouldn't push yourself to the point you feel internal resistance to the change. I am still debating that concept, and I may develop that thought further in another post.

This post, however, is my vision for myself down the road. A changed and bettered self. First, I will start with the obvious, women. I see myself being able to approach women in any setting, be it at a cafe or a nightclub, obvious right? Moreover, I see myself not being phased by the presence of a hot woman, and being able to be completely relaxed (no matter how hard I try, I am still a bit "nervous"). Most importantly, and I think I can already do this, I will not require a woman to be happy, nor will I let her be the center of my existence. To translate this in a tangible goal, during my 20's I want to experience many women and meet women wherever I go so as to enhance my life.

The next one goal is something that has become a goal just recently. In reality it is a combination of two. That is, I will be able to defend myself (physically) and be physically fit/healthy. I value physical health very highly, and now more than ever I value being able to defend myself in real-world situations very much. Being a traveler, I have seen many things, and have been fortunate to avoid them. However, I know that I may not always be able to avoid confrontations. Plus, I'd like to make a Martial art or combat sport my main hobby.

Finally, I will travel and experience many different things. I have already started an unofficial list of things I want to see/do. Off the top of my head the list includes: Carneval in Brazil and Venice, Palio di Siena, and St. Patty's day in Ireland. I want to be in a situation where I can get up, and travel whenever I want. I value traveling so much, I can't even really explain it. The thrill I get from going to a new place, especially with friends, and the unknown excitement that awaits is something I can, and may, write a post about. In fact, I think it is my love of traveling that has got me into this PU stuff. I want to be socially witty, and at ease so that wherever I go I can make instant friends and thoroughly enjoy myself!

P.S. I was gonna write about how I was going to pursue these goals, but I will write that in the next post.

Long time no post

I have written in awhile because I feel that I have nothing new to write about. It seemed that after awhile my posts got a bit redundant, but then I realized it is because that is what has been occupying my mind so much! Last night I went out and had a blast. To sum it up, it was fucking crazy. That is the experiences I want to have every night, I want it to be just wild and extremely fun. How does one go about having a great time like this? Well, I mean we could be logical (I find it funny using the word logical whenever I talk about this stuff) it would entail being extremely social, in the moment, and worry-free.

However, I think that trying to quantify and break it down destroys its very essence and makes one's experience less fun. It is like in Quantum Mechanics, once you observe/study/measure something, you forever destroy its information. What am I trying to say? Just go with the flow baby! The point is to have this stuff be second nature. Everyone enjoys eating, yet do you breakdown its steps? Not anymore I'd hope. Once you've reached a point where you believe you have a 'logical' understanding, just let go!

There isn't much substance, or MPUA++ 4000 type of tactical/strategical information (I still laugh to think that this new guy I went out with asked me where the best place was to sit in a bar for sets, hahaha). Anyways, I guess what it comes down to are the three points Tyler mentioned in his blog over here. Sometimes I reflect on how serious I have taken myself, and it makes me laugh out loud, literally. I doubt the Romans thought about their body language
during the Lupercalia festival, so neither should you!

Exit strategy

I was thinking about our current situation and all the proposed exit strategies there are for it, and I started thinking. When will I say enough is enough with all of this PU business? I mean, I got into this with the eventual goal that getting women involved in my life, and to a greater extent to become 'charming' and good socially, would become a natural part of who I am.

Therefore, as I progress through this PU business, I ask myself "when will I stop reading, stop watching, and stop discussing all of this?". I think at a certain point one needs to have faith that he has done enough "studying" and discussing about this, and trust the fact that this is an ongoing process and you are at the point where you socialize for fun and you will naturally become better at it.

When I first started thinking about this, I asked myself if I should put a definitive date on when I would stop all of this. Then, I considered just letting it happen naturally, and now I am just not sure. I think more or less after this Christmas the process will happen naturally as I will have to start working until law school (the current plan is to work overseas). To sum it up, I am not sure when this will happen, but I know it is inevitable. Why is it inevitable? For the reasons stated above. I want this, and know it will, to be a natural thing that is removed from my conscious into my unconscious. Even the greatest of orators and politicians who studied their craft moved on from merely discussing it to living it.

Necessary Cuts

For the past week now I have been in what I've termed a "post Italy hangover". Getting back into the groove of things has been a bit harder than I previously had thought. However, I do not think it is due fully to missing Italy; before leaving for Italy I was already in this "funk". I was having trouble approaching, one of my wings was getting on me (note: community guys suck to go out with once you've popped your approaching cherry, they're just nerds), and going out was such a chore.

As I've written before, in Italy I rekindled that fun for going out, and I intend to keep it that way. Having said that, I want to jump start other parts of my life as well. Starting tomorrow I will be making changes in my life and scenery. This was inspired mainly by conversations I had with two friends, who suggested that one of the best ways to change behavior is to change one's surrounding environment. With that being the case, I will change the following things:

1) Leisure computer time will be cut in half
2) Make more activities outside of the apartment (e.g. read books on the quad).
3) Re-arrange my room, get some posters and other decorations

That is all I have on the list for now, as I think of more stuff I will add to it.

Randomness

I don't have a specific topic in mind for this post, but rather random thoughts that have been on my mind that I'd like to write about. Firstly I'd like to say that I recently read a friend's post on Purpose and found it to be absolutely brilliant. This guy is very insightful and has definitely helped me along my way to changing my life. Also, it made me start thinking about how one is successful in pursuing his goal or purpose. For me, a someone who is successful at this is someone who, has described in the Purpose post, has a strong and resolute purpose to guide him along. Moreover, they must have the foresight to see what it will take to get to that goal, and at the same time be intensely focused on the present moment so that they may execute and react to the present situation. Having a strong sense of the present is a quality I find invaluable, since it allows you to focus 100% of your resources on the task at hand while not worrying about past failures or future obstacles.

Another quality that many, including myself, want is charisma. The funny thing is, I think when I was in Italy was when I was the most charismatic. Allow me to explain. I was in a group of 15 students that went to Italy and study in this program over there. We all lived in the same apartment buildings, each having one roommate. There, we met these two Italian guys that hang out with the Americans that come every year(my school does this program every year, and every year the students stay at the same place). These guys were a fucking blast, they were loud, outgoing, partied all the time, and generally didn't seem to have a care in the world. We became fast friends. This was exactly the way I was in Italy, too. A conversation I had with a good friend (the same guy that wrote the post I mentioned above) before leaving this program loosened me up, and when I got there I was a completely carefree individual. I was loud, outspoken, was not afraid to use my Italian, and generally did what I wanted. Everyone on the trip loved me! Strangely enough, this was one time where I genuinely didn't care about what others think, unlike when I use to go out and sarge, and at the end of the program people were telling me how they had a blast with me (I got some of the girls attracted to me during this program, but they were not hot and eventually they ended up not 'liking' me since I didn't escalate).

What is my point in all of this? I'm not sure. But I was thinking about it today and figured you'd be able to extract something from this. Maybe if I can think of how to organize this better I will later on, or perhaps I will wait for comments to decide on what to write about next.

They're all a bunch of nerds

I had a great time in Italy! For one month I traveled all of Italy, hung out with a cool group of guys, made some new great friends, and went out and had a blast almost every night. On top of that, I didn't think about approaching, seduction, M3, opening, or whatever. Having been in this thing for a considerable amount of time I believe people boil down more or less into two groups into these things. Nerds and soon to be social butterflies.

Nerds are the people who carried their dorkiness into this. They'll talk you ear off about the intricacies of one type of game versus another, or why one guru is better than the other, however, they will rarely talk about how last nite out in a bar or club went for them. The reason for this is because they rarely if ever go out! If they do, they don't socialize, they're way too into their heads analyzing mundane bullshit (this was me for like 4 months, though I did open). I just want to grab these guys and shake them up and yell "it doesn't fucking matter! be fucking normal, have fun and make women part of this experience!".

Then there are the soon to be social butterflies, most of the people with whom I socialize that are in this "community" are a part of. These guys have lives, or at least are building really great lives, and are just taking this stuff and using it to add-on and/or enhance their lives. Sure, they sit down and think over what happened, but they won't sit down and talk about intricacies of game. These are the guys I want to be friends with, not the nerds. They make women a part of an already fun life, which is why they'll probably get women in the first place.


In short, I am not even sure if I want to hang around all this PUA stuff anymore. I have been improving, and it is not due to posting on forums about the finer points of direct game, but rather continually and shamelessly socializing while having fun and not taking stuff personally. It's all a game anyways, and the more you play the better you get.

Approach Anxiety is the Boogeyman

How is it that no one questions the idea of Approach Anxiety? As my title says, I think the Approach Anxiety is like the boogeyman. It doesn't exist, but we hype it up so much that it might as well exist since we fear it so much (and thus, in my opinion, cause it to manifest). It doesn't help when you have such respected gurus like Mystery who not only accept the notion, but even tries to justify it scientifically. Listen, I think Mystery is great, the man is an absolute genius and any day of the week I'd take lessons from him, that does not mean he is an evolutionary biologist nor a psychiatrist.

Let me present a hypothetical situation. Let's say we took a some children, and raised them in such a manner so that they had no fear of approaching people (this could be done by isolating them and structuring their interactions in such a manner so as to foster an openness), and then at the age of 18 we integrated them into society. They would not have a problem approaching! If you don't believe me that is possible, how is it that some people can be 'taught' to virtually feel no pain, yet we can't teach some kids to not feel anxiety?

I won't delve into the whys and why nots of how Approach Anxiety comes about, however, what I am saying is that don't assume it has to be a part of your life. If you have anxiety, follow that anxiety and see to where it leads. There will be an underlying reason as to why you have it. Further, if you believe you do not have to have it, eventually you will internalize that belief, and I believe it can be removed from your life. I am currently doing this, and I have had less anxiety. I am not at the point where it is completely gone, yet the way stuff is advancing now it is a strong possibility I will not have anxiety.

What this really comes down to is not taking what you hear for granted. Just because some guy went out for so many nights a week and now teaches bootcamps doesn't mean you have to take everything he says as the word of God. These gurus have loads of information to share, but don't let them transfer beliefs unto you that will hinder you.

Passion

I was recently watching AC Milan play against Manchester United to see who would go to the Champion's League final, and I recalled my times seeing games in Europe. The passion the fans have is amazing, they sing all game long, follow their team from country to country, and even get into fights in the stadiums over their team. Granted, fighting is a bit extreme, but I think this shows just how passionate they can be, especially Italians. As soon as I saw my first game live, I was hooked. The next game I saw, which was AC Milan versus Inter Milan (one of the biggest derbies, as they call it, in the world), I sang the whole game, and danced with the people next to me.

When I look here at American sports, this passion is often lacking. This lack of passion isn't just in sports, it's in all aspects of Americans' life. It is true that perhaps Italians aren't organized like the rest of the industrialized world, and that they often aren't as dedicated to work as they usually are celebrating some vague holiday, or spending their money on clothes and going out. I do not advocate this extreme, yet I think we can definitely learn how to copy some of this passion to our own lives. Ever since spending more time in Italy, I have started to become more passionate about my life, and have since taken a greater interest in having more fun in life (this indirectly led me to this community).

What I ask to you, if anyone reads this :P, is are you passionate about something? Whatever you choose to do, are you really getting into it? A typical Italian lives at home with his mom until his 30s (like some of my cousins), doesn't have much money since he spends it all on clothes and money, yet he gets laid like none other. This isn't an anomaly, it is often the intangible things that women take interest in. Even outside of women, the ability to be passionate about what you do will make every endeavor you undertake that much more meaningful, and fun.



P.S. If you wanna know what they say let me know :)

WTF

I am going to confess something here, I haven't done a true cold approach in over a month. For the past month I've been coming into one of my wing's sets, or I have been opening sets that are basically begging to be opened (they run into me or whatever), and even then I rarely do it. I am so crippled by AA, although I'm not sure it's anxiety exactly. When I think about approaching I do not get an intense feeling, or voices in my head really. Instead, it's like there is this 1000 pound weight on me and I just can't move.

What the fuck is this?! I am so frustrated. At least two years ago when I was going out and drinking I was having a good time. Now when I go out I rarely enjoy myself, I envy all those drunk people having the time of their lives. Yes, I understand what I am doing has a great payoff, but I am so fucking frustrated that I can not approach.

Why this change? Well, to begin with I was never an approach machine, to be honest. Last semester I did approach, not often but I would approach a few sets a nite. Now, I can't seem to approach anymore. I feel like I have built this false identity of who I am, not an identity of a PUA but of someone who is to cool to be blown out. Where I got this I have no fucking clue.

My one wing called me and my other wing out, who coincidentally is having the same problem. He was frustrated with us, basically saying "WTF, why aren't you guys approaching anymore?". In fact, he ended up leaving early. I have lots of respect for that guy, regardless of the fact he banters too much, he is an APPROACH MACHINE. The guy has opening down, it's no big deal to this guy.

I finally understand the quote in Fight Club where Tyler Durden says "Self-improvement is masturbation, what we're after is self-destruction." That sums up exactly what I must do, I must self-destruct my identity. Fine, I might go up to girls and mess up all nite long and others will look down upon me perhaps, SO WHAT. If I do that I will be getting better and I am the only one I care about. Jesus I am so frustrated. I am seriously consider looking into doing Demonic Confidence, even though I always said I didn't need to do something that drastic. Perhaps it is time for something like that...

Bringing about change

I remember earlier in my life I complained to my mother about some aspect of my life not being in accord with what I wanted. I told her I wanted to change this, but everyone says you can't. She paused for a moment, and then said "People say that because they are too lazy to bring about change. You can do whatever you want". Wise words from a wise woman.

When I first came to this whole PU business I was starting to make positive changes in my life. I had been working out regularly, and had lost some weight. I started studying more, and took better care of my academics overall. So when it came to getting better with women I applied the simple formula I had used to obtain those things. Work at the goal everyday, and if I became disheartened I concentrated on the positives to re-motivate me. In essence though, I rarely thought of the outcome just the joy of completing the task at hand.

Well, for whatever reason, be it social anxiety or laziness, I had a hard time applying this model to my PU life. I did it in the beginning, forcing approaches and it was going well. As time went on, however, I found myself hesitating to do this, and as I hesitated excuses started to creep in my head. "You need to bring about deeper change first", "You need to be more alpha in other aspects before you can tackle this". While these statements are somewhat true, especially the second, they are not excuses for not continuing. I actually just had an epiphany writing this paragraph.

There is no reason why I can not work on both becoming more assertive and dominant in my life, and being good with women. In fact, they compliment each other, so that basically nullified those excuses. Anyways, as I was saying I thought I needed a different system for undertaking this part of my life, PU. I started looking at NLP and hypnosis more closely, and I am glad I did I learned insightful things. However, I could have picked up on these things as I went along.

I realized that my old method was just perfect. And to prove it to myself I went out Thursday, Friday, Saturday (Thursday wasn't for sarging, but it is still always present in my life) and socialized again. I am most proud of myself last nite, I did not feel like going out, yet I told myself it couldn't be worse than staying at home. So, I went out, even though I made up tons of excuses why I shouldn't, like how it was cold, etc. In short, it's back to my old method :)

Opinions: who the fuck cares

Why do other people's opinions matter so much? Why is it that many people base most of their reality on the uncontrollable, unpredictable whims of others? Objectively looking at this phenomenon, it makes no sense. For one, you can't control other peoples views, and on top of that they don't lead your life. Secondly, it is a great way to be manipulated, because other people can change the standards by which they judge you at any time to bend you to their will.

Is the solution to have complete disregard for others? I say no, for if one were to do this they would live a rather unfulfilling life. If one were to do this he would have very little loved ones around him, and needless to say his love life would be non-existent. What is the perfect balance? Well, that is not a question I can answer, since it is relative to everyone. The best way to know if you have struck this balance is if you are truly happy and do not feel like you are not being true to yourself.

Some people may not like what I have wrote since it is not concrete, but rather esoteric and almost spiritual. I do not intend to be a new-age freak that preaches harmony, but I do preach harmony with yourself. One lesson I have learned, albeit a bit slowly, is to care and take care of my needs above all others. Sure, if you would've asked me prior to PU if I was doing this I would've blindly said yes. I would've been lying though. A friend of mine, and you know who you are, taught me this valuable lesson when one day I came back complaining that I had stood by while someone imposed their will on me, and I had smiled taking it like a bitch. This friend of mine cleverly picked up on the fact that I was caring too much of what others thought of me, and I was letting my internal reality be decided by these external factors.

Since then I have been making sure I am being true to myself. I ask myself, is this really what I want to do? Why do I care about what he/she thinks? I don't care what you think, so kindly fuck off :) (of course unless you are giving me constructive feedback :P)!

First post

Well this is my first official post in my blog. I never thought I would ever have one of these, as I viewed them as being for mainly 14 year old girls. However, after being convinced by a friend I decided it would be useful in having a place to gather my thoughts, track my progress, and receive useful, constructive comments on my journey.

So, what is the state of my life and at what point am I on this journey? I'm not entirely sure :). For starters, I will briefly lay out what I have accomplished, and what areas I believe I need work on. Since I have started with this whole PU business, I have brought an area of my life that I felt had been sub par into my consciousness thus allowing me to actively work on it. Since then I have become more social and confident in socializing in general, and specifically with women.

Oddly enough, since I've committed myself to improving this area of my life I found more "problem" areas than I previously thought I had. Some might argue that this is due to the fact I am scrutinizing too much, but I believe it is because this aspect of my life, becoming more social especially with women, is intimately attached and woven into many areas. For example, how you comport yourself in the presence of other men, how you assert your wants and needs in a given situation, how grounded you are in your reality and not worry about what others think, and the list goes on.

So what do I feel I need to work on specifically at the moment? Well, for starters, my assertiveness. I do not assert my will and wants as much as I want (namely all the time!). I bend too easily to the whims of others, and can find myself in my head trying to make sure I don't attract too much attention. It is obvious that this is not a favorable trait to have in dealing with women, nor is it a trait that helps one lead a fulfilling life. I am actively working on this by focusing in on the moment, and plainly stating what I want and paying attention to my desires.

Finally, I am working towards being consistent. I deeply respect Tyler's point of view on this, in saying that it is a lost art. I also believe this is tied in with living in the 'Now', because if you focus on the future and the length of the journey, you will never undertake it. This is foolish since every goal requires a journey, and it is often the journey that is the most fun!

I can't wait to hear some comments. Next I'll write about one of my new passions, becoming a bad ass mother fucker (i.e. learning martial arts and working out)!.